Okay, it's official...I am FREAKING out!

You know, you'd think that after 20 years of marriage to the same man who has worked in the same field would leave little room for surprises.  Well, you'd be wrong.  It is official...I am freaking out.  Big time.  Ready to lose my mind.

Two months.  Two-freaking-months of no work.  We have less than $200 in the bank, the rent is going to be due in a week, there are bills to pay (like our car payment) and food to buy.  I've got to tell you, friends, that $200 is not going to cut it!  

Yesterday at church the message was partially on how we have to wait on God's timing and while, yes, I agree with that, I'm beginning to feel like He's forgotten that we're here.  I'm a little angry and resentful towards my husband that he has put us in this position.  We are not to take matters in to our own hands and freak out, the message claimed, and yet here I am thinking "Well, if I (and I emphasize that "I") don't do something, my family is going to be living on the street!  So how is it exactly that I am supposed to be waiting patiently?  How am I supposed to know when it is ME taking matters in to my own hands to help my family and not GOD telling me to?  

I know that God has never left us without food on our table and a roof over our heads but I've got to be honest, this is the most scared I have been in 20 years!  I'm having to start cutting things from our lives that I really don't want to cut.  I'm having to tell the kids that they can't have things that they need and when I try to talk to Frank, he doesn't want to hear it! 

I'm alone in a house full of people.  I am alone in a world where others are dealing with the same thing.  I'm tired of being a charity case and yet right now I could use some charity!

Lord, where are you?  I am weak and scared and I don't know where you are?  I don't know what to do...